[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
crush was massive overstatement. Part of me still hated
him. And part of me, honestly, was indifferent to him. I
tried to rationalize it all, telling myself that I was only
attracted to him at all because he was the first man that
had shown any interested in me.
Those few days where we had awkwardly flirted
seemed like they had happened years ago, though. Still,
it made me wonder where Jack and I might be if the
plane hadn t have come into the picture.
For one, I thought, it wouldn t have taken the cold
ocean to get him to take his clothes off.
Stop it, I muttered as I gathered up the wood.
I stood there for a moment, looking out to the sea
from between the trees. The plane bobbed there uselessly
and seeing it in such a way made me realize how unfair I
had been to Jack. The worst part of it was that I didn t
even know where all of the anger had come from. Was I
really so entitled that I believed the plane should have
been mine just because I had seen it first and because I
had lived in Sitka my whole life?
As I walked back towards him, where he was
brushing off an area for the fire, I knew that my options
were simple. I could make this potentially disastrous
scenario even worse by letting my unjustified anger
control me, or I could try to help and stay calm.
Is this enough? I asked, dropping the wood at his
feet.
Perfect.
He still sounded angry but I could tell that he was
having similar thoughts. Why make the situation any
worse with hostility.
There are also some stale crackers in the bag if you
want them.
Mmmm, tempting, I said as playfully as I could,
trying to ease the tension.
I got down to my knees and started spreading the
sticks around in a way that would best support a small
campfire. He joined in and actually gave me a smile
albeit a rather strained one.
What? I asked.
You do know what you re doing, he said.
I laughed. Don't sound so surprised. I was a
tomboy as a kid. My dad taught me all of this stuff.
Good, he said. Now go catch us some fish and
we ll feast like kings tonight.
We laughed at the same time and something about it
felt good. The tension was still there, but it was as
fragile as the foam that the waves left behind on our sad
little shore. We worked together to get the fire going;
Mr. Tanner s matches were as old as everything else in
the bag and we struck eight before one actually lit.
I m pretty confident I can fix the engine, he said
after the fire was going.
Good.
And even if I can t, we re not far from the coast.
The chances of anyone crashing here and going any
longer than a day or so without being spotted by a boat
or a plane are pretty slim.
That s a relief, I said.
He sat close to the fire, warming himself. I was glad
to see that he had stopped trembling.
I wanted to ask him to tell me about himself& to tell
me things that I hadn t already picked up from our
dinner with Grandfather. But it didn t seem right. After
treating him so badly, what right did I have?
After a few moments of silence, he stood up and
looked to the plane. There are no sleeping bags or
sheets, he said. But I ve got a wet t-shirt and a duffel
bag that we can use as pillows.
In other words, I said, no sleep tonight, huh?
He shrugged. We can try to sleep in the plane but it
might be crowded.
I thought about it and decided that I wouldn t object
to sleeping in tight quarters with Jack. Especially, when
he was cold and needed to be warmed up.
Shut up, I thought to myself. Shut up, shut up, SHUT
UP.
You get the storage compartment in the back, he
said. You can stretch out there. I ll take the passenger
seat.
Are you sure? I asked.
Yeah.
But instead of going back to the plane, he hunkered
back down by the fire. I looked from Jack to the plane
and then back to Jack. And in the end, I stayed there with
him.
Suddenly, with this man in my presence, sleep was
the furthest thing from my mind.
And that terrified me.
16 Devlin
The silence around the campfire was daunting. Given
the last few years of my life, any sort of silence while in
the presence of a woman was uncommon. I had almost
forgotten what it was like. I was able to endure it for a
grand total of two minutes before I had to get up. I had to
do something.
That s when I remembered the brief shopping
excursion I had taken that morning. I d had no idea that [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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crush was massive overstatement. Part of me still hated
him. And part of me, honestly, was indifferent to him. I
tried to rationalize it all, telling myself that I was only
attracted to him at all because he was the first man that
had shown any interested in me.
Those few days where we had awkwardly flirted
seemed like they had happened years ago, though. Still,
it made me wonder where Jack and I might be if the
plane hadn t have come into the picture.
For one, I thought, it wouldn t have taken the cold
ocean to get him to take his clothes off.
Stop it, I muttered as I gathered up the wood.
I stood there for a moment, looking out to the sea
from between the trees. The plane bobbed there uselessly
and seeing it in such a way made me realize how unfair I
had been to Jack. The worst part of it was that I didn t
even know where all of the anger had come from. Was I
really so entitled that I believed the plane should have
been mine just because I had seen it first and because I
had lived in Sitka my whole life?
As I walked back towards him, where he was
brushing off an area for the fire, I knew that my options
were simple. I could make this potentially disastrous
scenario even worse by letting my unjustified anger
control me, or I could try to help and stay calm.
Is this enough? I asked, dropping the wood at his
feet.
Perfect.
He still sounded angry but I could tell that he was
having similar thoughts. Why make the situation any
worse with hostility.
There are also some stale crackers in the bag if you
want them.
Mmmm, tempting, I said as playfully as I could,
trying to ease the tension.
I got down to my knees and started spreading the
sticks around in a way that would best support a small
campfire. He joined in and actually gave me a smile
albeit a rather strained one.
What? I asked.
You do know what you re doing, he said.
I laughed. Don't sound so surprised. I was a
tomboy as a kid. My dad taught me all of this stuff.
Good, he said. Now go catch us some fish and
we ll feast like kings tonight.
We laughed at the same time and something about it
felt good. The tension was still there, but it was as
fragile as the foam that the waves left behind on our sad
little shore. We worked together to get the fire going;
Mr. Tanner s matches were as old as everything else in
the bag and we struck eight before one actually lit.
I m pretty confident I can fix the engine, he said
after the fire was going.
Good.
And even if I can t, we re not far from the coast.
The chances of anyone crashing here and going any
longer than a day or so without being spotted by a boat
or a plane are pretty slim.
That s a relief, I said.
He sat close to the fire, warming himself. I was glad
to see that he had stopped trembling.
I wanted to ask him to tell me about himself& to tell
me things that I hadn t already picked up from our
dinner with Grandfather. But it didn t seem right. After
treating him so badly, what right did I have?
After a few moments of silence, he stood up and
looked to the plane. There are no sleeping bags or
sheets, he said. But I ve got a wet t-shirt and a duffel
bag that we can use as pillows.
In other words, I said, no sleep tonight, huh?
He shrugged. We can try to sleep in the plane but it
might be crowded.
I thought about it and decided that I wouldn t object
to sleeping in tight quarters with Jack. Especially, when
he was cold and needed to be warmed up.
Shut up, I thought to myself. Shut up, shut up, SHUT
UP.
You get the storage compartment in the back, he
said. You can stretch out there. I ll take the passenger
seat.
Are you sure? I asked.
Yeah.
But instead of going back to the plane, he hunkered
back down by the fire. I looked from Jack to the plane
and then back to Jack. And in the end, I stayed there with
him.
Suddenly, with this man in my presence, sleep was
the furthest thing from my mind.
And that terrified me.
16 Devlin
The silence around the campfire was daunting. Given
the last few years of my life, any sort of silence while in
the presence of a woman was uncommon. I had almost
forgotten what it was like. I was able to endure it for a
grand total of two minutes before I had to get up. I had to
do something.
That s when I remembered the brief shopping
excursion I had taken that morning. I d had no idea that [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]