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 Why won t they let him in the boat? Annette asked.
 He s afraid of the water, I said.
 That poor man. He s besotted, said Annette, shaking
her head.
196 Hailey Lind
Mrs. Henderson nodded.  With that large lesbian.
 What lesbian? I asked.
 The one in the motorcycle jacket. Despite the warmth
of the day, Evangeline wore her riding leathers. Mary s
ripped black gauze tunic, in comparison, seemed more ap-
propriate to the occasion.
 Evangeline s not a lesbian. At least, I didn t think so.
 She isn t? Mrs. Henderson said.  I just assumed. . .
 We all did, honey, Bryan said.  Just goes to show.
I noticed more Goths gathering by the lake and trooping
across the footbridge to the island. A few held sock monkeys
and flags aloft as they shouted to others ensconced in paddle-
boats on the water. The Goth fleet seemed to be swelling, the
boaters clutching fluorescent green, blue, and pink plastic
water cannons that contrasted sharply with their funereal attire.
As I turned back to the clam dip, a war whoop split the
air. I looked up to see the Goth fleet dividing and engaging,
the boaters legs pumping furiously as they splashed toward
one another, bellowing taunts and insults.
 Arrrrggghh! the Goths yelled as they slurped up lake
water in the plastic water cannons and stood, paddleboats
rocking wildly, took aim at one another, and let loose great
streams of the brackish water. A shaggy-haired woman
armed with a water cannon half as tall as she was hollered a
riposte and fired a stream of water that struck a bald, tattooed
man in the chest, sending him tumbling backward into the
murky lake. In one final act of heroism, he lobbed his water
cannon to his boat mates before standing up in the four-foot-
deep water and wading to shore in defeat. The shaggy-haired
woman s boat crew threw their hands in the air and cheered
lustily before their attention was drawn to a boatload of
Goths clad mostly in pink.
 Arrrggghhh, beware the wrath of the Pinks! the new ar-
rivals cried, water spewing in great arcs toward the shaggy-
BRUSH WITH DEATH 197
haired woman s crew. Shrieks and shouts of vengeance is-
sued from the beleaguered boat. From the safety of our pic-
nic table, Miss Mopsy yapped furiously.
 My word, breathed Mrs. Henderson.
 What in the world s going on? I asked.
 Gommmphhtt, Annette mumbled around a mouthful of
cheesecake.
 Golf what? Bryan asked.
She swallowed, took a sip of beer, and hushed the dog.
 Goth naval battle. I assumed that was why we came today.
Don t tell me you ve never heard of it. It s a tradition.
 Goths have traditions? Ron asked.
Just then Mary and Evangeline rounded the bend of the
island. Pete, taking in the scene from the top of the bridge,
began to shout,  Stop! Evangeline, Mary! Stop!
It was too late. With a bloodcurdling yell, the pirate crew
descended upon our friends, soaking them with a water bar-
rage. I heard Evangeline howl in outrage, and feared the
consequences.
Pete ran down the bridge and waded into the soupy water.
 Evangeline! he called.  Mary!
Bellowing defiance, Evangeline dove into the lake and
swam to a nearby boat. Shooting out of the water like a killer
whale, she seized a blond woman by the arm and tossed her
into the lake, then grabbed the edge of the boat and flipped
it over, sending its occupants to their soggy reward. Grab-
bing a water cannon from a sputtering Goth, Evangeline
righted the overturned paddleboat and boarded her spoils of
war. She maneuvered the paddleboat into position and took
out the head Goth with a well-placed shot in the schnozz.
Mary, still in her own boat, leapt to her feet and swore a blue
streak, threatening all Goth pirates with lifelong vengeance.
 Aren t you going to do something? I asked the repre-
sentative of civil authority at our picnic table.
198 Hailey Lind
Annette looked at me as if I had grown horns.  Like
what?
 Like stop it.
 On what grounds?
 Well, because . . . surely they re breaking some law.
 I m eating cheesecake. Anyway, this is San Francisco,
girlfriend. Annette shrugged.  Goth naval battles are the
least of our worries. And look they re not involving the in-
nocent, she said, gesturing to a pair of cuddling lovers who
paddled past the melee, unscathed.
 They involved Mary and Evangeline!
 Bad day to go boating in black.
I heard the roar of a hideous beast and saw Pete had
climbed into Evangeline s boat, and the two of them were
dunking all attackers. Standing back to back, Pete and Evan-
geline strafed anyone who dared come near. Mary paddled
over and joined them in the boat, nearly tipping it over. She
then provided the leg power as the trio made their way to-
ward the shore, where a knot of irate pirates informed them
that they had broken the rules of Goth naval engagement.
Evangeline, unrepentant, flipped them the bird.
Our three friends sloshed over to the picnic table, drip-
ping wet and spitting mad.
 Did you see those guys! Evangeline bellowed.  What
kind of place is this!
 The attack was entirely unprevaricated! Pete seconded.
 They are maniacs, these Golfs! Miscreants! Misnomers!
 You ve got to hand it to them, though, they ve got
courage, Mary said and slogged over to a patch of sunny
lawn, where she lay down spread-eagled to dry.  Pink is the
new black, you know. I wish I had the guts to wear it, but
I m not worthy.
 What do you mean? Ron asked, amused.  How worthy
does one have to be to wear pink?
BRUSH WITH DEATH 199
 When you re a Goth, it means a lot. It s a matter of prin-
ciple. I can t in good conscience wear pink until I spend at
least one night in that damned cemetery.
 You shouldn t be in a cemetery at night, said Mrs. Hen-
derson, frowning.  There are strange goings-on there.
 Lions, and tigers, and bears . . . Ron chanted.
 Oh my! Mrs. Henderson finished.
It sounded as though Mrs. Henderson was slurring her
words a bit, though I knew she hadn t been drinking any-
thing stronger than iced tea.
 Tonight s the charm, though, I can feel it, Mary said, [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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