[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
He leaned forward, his eyes downcast. I finished my last final and flew back to the rez to see her.
She was alone at her house. She was afraid of me. He laughed coldly. She said okay, it was my
child, and I could see it when it was born, but she was staying with Jeff no matter what I did. I was
about to tell her I d let her get the divorce, when Jeff drove up. He stormed into the house and accused
her of two-timing him. I tried to restrain him, but he blindsided me. While I was getting back up, he
dragged Jessie out the door with him. I managed to get outside in time to watch him throw her into the
passenger seat. She was screaming. She thought he was going to kill her. So did I.
Jake s pale eyes were riveted to him.
So I got in my car and went after them. He saw me in the rearview mirror, I guess, because he sped
up and started weaving all over the road. I didn t have a cell phone with me or I d have called the
police on the rez and had them pick him up. I followed them around the dirt roads. He started across a
bridge that had been condemned. There were spring floods, huge ones, water coming right up over
the wooden bridge.
He closed his eyes. He went through the rotten boards on the side and right into the river. The car,
with both of them inside, washed away. He lifted his head. His eyes were cold, dead. They found the
bodies almost two days later. The child was almost full-term, but they couldn t save him. He closed
his eyes. I graduated, joined the military, asked for combat because I wanted to die. That was almost
eight years ago.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked into pale blue ones. Listen, son,
Jake said quietly, you were trying to save her. In the process, a madman miscalculated his driving
skills and wrecked his car. If it hadn t been that, he might have shot her and then shot himself. He
might have died in a fight. She might have died from complications of childbirth. But, it would still
have happened. When a life is meant to be over, it s over. That s God s business. You can t control
life, Carson, he concluded. It s a fool s game to think you can even try. You re tormenting yourself
over something that nobody could have prevented.
Carson averted his eyes. Thanks, he said huskily.
How did you end up with Cy?
His eyes had a faraway look as he recalled that meeting. I was doing black ops overseas, Carson
said. Political assassination, like Grier used to do. He drew in a long breath. Cy and Eb Scott and
Micah Steele were attached to the unit I was with as independent contractors. We went on missions
together, discovered that we worked very well as a group. So I mustered out and signed on with them.
It s been...interesting, he concluded with a mild laugh.
I worked with mercs a time or two, Jake replied. He hesitated. I also worked in covert
assassination.
I heard some gossip about that, Carson replied, without blowing the whistle on Rourke.
She can t ever know, he said, nodding toward the other part of the house where Carlie was. I
gave it up for her. I had a crisis of conscience when her mother died. It took me to a bad place. A
minister gave me the strength I needed to turn my life around, to do something productive with it. He
leaned back with a sigh and a smile. Of course, I ll starve doing it, he chuckled. We re always
broke, and there s always somebody who wants me fired because I say something offensive in a
sermon. But I belong here now. Odd feeling, belonging. I never wanted it in the old days.
Your wife, Carson said hesitantly. Was she like Carlie?
Jake s eyes narrowed with sorrow. Exactly like Carlie. I didn t believe in a damned thing. I had no
faith, no understanding of how people lived in small towns. I wanted her. I took her. She got
pregnant. His face was like stone. I married her to stop gossip. Her mother was a slut. I mean, a real
slut. She even tried to seduce me! So everybody locally would have said, like mother like daughter,
you know? He leaned forward on his forearms. I refused to stay here and be a tamed animal. I
provided for her and the child when Carlie was born. I gave them everything except love. It wasn t
until Mary was dying that I realized how much I had loved her, how much I had cost her with my
indifference. You think you killed your wife? I know I killed mine. I ve been trying ever since to find
a way to live with it, to make up for some of the terrible things I ve done. I m still trying.
Carson was speechless. He just stared at the older man, with honest compassion.
If you re wondering, Jake added softly, this is a moral tale. I m telling you about what happened
to me so that you won t repeat it with my daughter. I think you have some idea of her feelings
already. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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He leaned forward, his eyes downcast. I finished my last final and flew back to the rez to see her.
She was alone at her house. She was afraid of me. He laughed coldly. She said okay, it was my
child, and I could see it when it was born, but she was staying with Jeff no matter what I did. I was
about to tell her I d let her get the divorce, when Jeff drove up. He stormed into the house and accused
her of two-timing him. I tried to restrain him, but he blindsided me. While I was getting back up, he
dragged Jessie out the door with him. I managed to get outside in time to watch him throw her into the
passenger seat. She was screaming. She thought he was going to kill her. So did I.
Jake s pale eyes were riveted to him.
So I got in my car and went after them. He saw me in the rearview mirror, I guess, because he sped
up and started weaving all over the road. I didn t have a cell phone with me or I d have called the
police on the rez and had them pick him up. I followed them around the dirt roads. He started across a
bridge that had been condemned. There were spring floods, huge ones, water coming right up over
the wooden bridge.
He closed his eyes. He went through the rotten boards on the side and right into the river. The car,
with both of them inside, washed away. He lifted his head. His eyes were cold, dead. They found the
bodies almost two days later. The child was almost full-term, but they couldn t save him. He closed
his eyes. I graduated, joined the military, asked for combat because I wanted to die. That was almost
eight years ago.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked into pale blue ones. Listen, son,
Jake said quietly, you were trying to save her. In the process, a madman miscalculated his driving
skills and wrecked his car. If it hadn t been that, he might have shot her and then shot himself. He
might have died in a fight. She might have died from complications of childbirth. But, it would still
have happened. When a life is meant to be over, it s over. That s God s business. You can t control
life, Carson, he concluded. It s a fool s game to think you can even try. You re tormenting yourself
over something that nobody could have prevented.
Carson averted his eyes. Thanks, he said huskily.
How did you end up with Cy?
His eyes had a faraway look as he recalled that meeting. I was doing black ops overseas, Carson
said. Political assassination, like Grier used to do. He drew in a long breath. Cy and Eb Scott and
Micah Steele were attached to the unit I was with as independent contractors. We went on missions
together, discovered that we worked very well as a group. So I mustered out and signed on with them.
It s been...interesting, he concluded with a mild laugh.
I worked with mercs a time or two, Jake replied. He hesitated. I also worked in covert
assassination.
I heard some gossip about that, Carson replied, without blowing the whistle on Rourke.
She can t ever know, he said, nodding toward the other part of the house where Carlie was. I
gave it up for her. I had a crisis of conscience when her mother died. It took me to a bad place. A
minister gave me the strength I needed to turn my life around, to do something productive with it. He
leaned back with a sigh and a smile. Of course, I ll starve doing it, he chuckled. We re always
broke, and there s always somebody who wants me fired because I say something offensive in a
sermon. But I belong here now. Odd feeling, belonging. I never wanted it in the old days.
Your wife, Carson said hesitantly. Was she like Carlie?
Jake s eyes narrowed with sorrow. Exactly like Carlie. I didn t believe in a damned thing. I had no
faith, no understanding of how people lived in small towns. I wanted her. I took her. She got
pregnant. His face was like stone. I married her to stop gossip. Her mother was a slut. I mean, a real
slut. She even tried to seduce me! So everybody locally would have said, like mother like daughter,
you know? He leaned forward on his forearms. I refused to stay here and be a tamed animal. I
provided for her and the child when Carlie was born. I gave them everything except love. It wasn t
until Mary was dying that I realized how much I had loved her, how much I had cost her with my
indifference. You think you killed your wife? I know I killed mine. I ve been trying ever since to find
a way to live with it, to make up for some of the terrible things I ve done. I m still trying.
Carson was speechless. He just stared at the older man, with honest compassion.
If you re wondering, Jake added softly, this is a moral tale. I m telling you about what happened
to me so that you won t repeat it with my daughter. I think you have some idea of her feelings
already. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]